22

Well, I have successfully completed another wonderful year of life. Today, for my birthday, we went out to eat with my family at India Mahal. Mmmm... the best! I pretty much adore my weird family. We sat around the table talking and somehow it ended up turning to facial hair. Random! Then, they sang me happy birthday in the bathroom. I love them so much!
Moving on... as a reminder, (i can't journal) this blog will be looking back my at my 21st year.

*Graduated from SAU with my AS in nursing
*Bought a bright green car
*Colored easter eggs
*Got my sixth henna tatoo
*Wesley graduated from highschool and started college
*Broke up with the boy I thought I would marry
*Mom graduated from SAU (so proud of her)
*Got my first real job at a hospital
*Met Andy Gullahorn & Andrew Peterson
*Face painted
*Ran over 380 miles
*Started cutting my own hair
*Learned the line dance for Cotton-eyed Joe
*My mom got engaged
*Watched my dad battle cancer and as a result give his life completely to God
*Got my first speeding ticket
*Went shooting
*Learned only 2 songs on the piano (very sad)
*Delivered a baby
*Got moved to dayshift (praise God)
*Decided to get my RN First Assist (RNFA)
*Vacationed in BC, California and upstate NY
*Lost my bags on a flight
*Started blogging
*Discovered an awesome brand of clothes
*Dad had brain surgery
*Painted 3 or 4 pictures
*Was a bridesmaid in my best and longest friend's wedding, Julie Fernando (well, Seard now)
*Finally got a new pair of glasses (I had my old ones since 12 y/o)
*Got my first real credit card (for skymiles)
*Illegally got a kitten (Emesis/Emmy). We live in student housing, thus the illegality
*Made some amazing new friends
*Painted checkers on my toes ;-)
*Ran barefoot
*Went line dancing 4 times
*Fell asleep on the beach
*Hammock camped several times
*God has taught me so much about trust and patience
*Got a Costco membership
*Decided to move
*... and countless other things I can't remember at the moment.


Birthdays usually scare me a little because it means being the center of attention. Just ask my brother, he knows exactly how I feel. On the plus side of birthdays, it always reminds me how much I am loved. I really love being loved. Love is one of the top things I am thankful for this birthday! Thanks to all my friends for the birthday texts and messages (cyrus... don't listen to wesley, it was awesome birthday skypeage and I liked it)!

Life is so beautiful! Thanks and much love to my family, friends and God for adding spice/joy to my life. I have had and will continue to have an amazing year/life.

Pain

Pain has so many meanings.  It can be acute, chronic, mental, physical... the list goes on. Pain... it brings out the best and the worst in those it touches. Think back over the times in your life when you have suffered. Each pain has a special way of showing that God is near, if the one suffering will only let Him. It somehow brings out a beauty to life that can only be experienced after the suffering has passed. The little moments are precious. A glance, a whisper, a touch, family, friends... The beauty of pain, if something that tears and rips at your heart can be called beautiful.

To watch another suffer however is far from beautiful. Desperatly searching to find the words that will bring comfort. Deep inside, the pain is more excruciating than can be described.  Comfort and words are hard to come by. Sometimes tears are the only way to communicate that you truly care. Pain is so different when it happens to someone you love. When pain hits you, deep inside you can find the strength to triumph with determination and God, but in others it has to be their choice. You cannot choose to find the beauty of pain for someone else.

Please pray for my family. It hurts so bad to watch someone you love struggling.

Life is beautiful. Never, ever take it for granted.

Running

In advance I apologize for the "flight of ideas" nature of this blog.

Written in California:
This blog I am going to dedicate to running. Preferably the weather would be perfect and the humidity almost non-existent. The late fall weather of Tennessee is usually the perfect weather, though this morning in California the weather was pretty near perfect. Early on, in my beginner days of running, I realized that listening to an ipod was out of the question. My mind wants to think while running and when music is introduced it switches between my thoughts and the music, turning the ole' brain into mishmash. Once that was established, running became my main thinking time and surprisingly many things are resolved during this time.

Written in Tennessee:
In California, the weather was still a bit hot unless you went quite early in the morning. Now fall is coming early to the hills of Tennessee and with it, the desire to be outside even more. Laying in a hammock, horseback riding, hiking, bonfires... the list goes on. Humidity has gone and soon God will paint the leaves with bright magnificent colors. Anways, back to running... Running is fabulous. It clear the mind, lungs, and is just plain good for what ails ya! Here, in Happy Valley, the scent of Little Debbie blueberry muffins can be smelled as you run. Regardless of how good this smells, I am a little resentful. Fresh air is more my forte. The best smell in the outdoors is crisp fall, leaves on the ground, air. It is perfect and sometimes it makes me so excited that giggles pop out. Lately though, work and running have kept my legs screaming obscenities. So this evening, my running buddy and I decided to run barefoot because they say it takes the pressure off of your joints. We ran a mile and a half on grass and another two miles down the Greenway. Now, I am regretting this "great" idea. My calves hurt in places that I had forgotten existed and my feet have blisters under calluses. To be completely honest my legs and the offending knee did not bother me the whole time. At least it's not bone or joint pain. So that is the bright side. Another problem with barefoot running is that sometimes there is duck poop, stones, ants (watch out for fire ant hills) and other nuisances that hinder or altogether stop the runner who usually has to pause to get the offending object off or out of the foot. This could probably be solved with some barefoot shoes which would probably be worth investing in. In conclusion, try running barefoot... it's good for the joints. :-)

"All You Need is Love, Love is All You Need"

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Who wants to be vulnerable? Each relationship is a risk. Friends, animals, strangers, boyfriends, girlfriends... They may not love you in return, they may die or run away, leaving your heart broken. How many times has your heart been broken? Mine has been broken many times but I am still alive and have learned something from each experience, growing stronger. Somehow there is still joy. To be vulnerable, to wait, to trust. To keep loving no matter what happens. God does... Love is beautiful. 




http://www.threadless.com/product/3106/Home_Is_Where_The_Heart_Is_Jules_Farrell

Thunderstorms

         Over the dry sagebrush plains they come. Cowboys cracking their whips as the cattle rumble their way across the lonely hills. The whips reverberate across the land, echoing until the dry landscape seems to shake. The many hooves stir up the dust until the horizon is filled with black angry clouds that pile one on top of the other, pushing until the suns glinting rays can barely be seen. The cattle's horns threaten the riders as they draw near with cracking whips to urge them forward. The diminishing rays of sun glance off the mighty polished horns and twist through the air, snaking into the far distance. With their goal ever in mind the riders continue to drive their charges onward to their destination. The prairie stretches before them, mile by lonely mile they trudge. The cattle's mighty heads began to hang and the horses feet lose their once happy skip.

         Slowly a cool breeze begins to swirl across the parched hills, bringing the scent of water to the thirsty creatures. Their tired feet begin to fly as they pick up speed across the dusty ground. Closer and closer they come to where each traveler is longing. The men shout as they drive the cattle into the river, rest awaits on the bank beyond. No longer is dust flying but water droplets, turning the once choking dust on the animals backs into harmless mud. The calves, wary of the water, freeze with fear until the men crack their whips. Lunging into the water, they finally face their fear and swim across to while their mothers look on in worry. After the last calf has crossed, the men swim beside their horses to the opposite bank. Camp is quickly made and the next priority is food. Supper calls with hunger pains and crackling fires can soon be seen dotting the dusky landscape. Darkness soon settles over the tired travelers and as the men recline with stomachs full, a fiddle softly begins to play. A harmonica joins in mid song adding to the lullaby. The soft, mournful tune lulls the men into pleasant slumber as the coals from the fire mirror the sparkling stars up above.

This speaks

Andy Gullahorn - Burning bushes

This song speaks so much. "Looking up to heaven for a sign." Hope this works from this website.

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." 
— Theodore Roosevelt

Guess What World?!?!?

Oh my goodness!!!! I'm so ecstatic! My mom is ENGAGED!!!! I can't keep my excitement in and had to write a blog about it at 0030 even though tomorrow is a work day. Sleep will not come for a while so I might as well write about it. My mom is the most amazing mom in the world and also my best friend. She deserves all the happiness in the world and her fiance (so weird to say that, hehe mom's fiance) is amazing. Sigh... I am content and uber excited!!! :-D

In honor of the Rain

Rain is one of my most favorite things in the world. Even though it is causing so much flooding around these parts at least on the bright side it is lulling me to sleep with the pitter patter of its footsteps on my roof.

This is an epic song about the rain. If I could tap dance, I would want to do it in the rain. Watch this, it makes me laugh every time! ;-D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1ZYhVpdXbQ

Family

Warning... since this was written at about 0000 it may be somewhat rambly. Now, I have sufficiently warned you and may now continue.

After a terrible day of work... a day where you just have to throw up your hands, laugh at the pure insanity of the situation and pray that no one sues you, I made my way home to family. Work can be very grating on ones self esteem. The minute you think you have the hang of something, someone knocks you back down and this failure gets added to the memories which help to remind you to not make that mistake again.  Thankfully, family is always there to pick you up as soon as you fall down.

My family has been so busy recently with life that very rarely do we all get to be together but tonight was one of the glorious nights where we got to just chill together (plus mom's bf Kenny). We all helped make fajitas and then gathered on the couches in the living room, including the cat, to partake in our tasty handiwork. After the meal was finished we gathered around the piano for some hymns. Have you ever really read the words of hymns? Truly inspired. It was a beautiful reminder of old times, singing round the piano and playing hymnbook roulette (I had to play whatever song was opened to and the family had to sing it). After the singing finished, we moved back to the couch where mom began reading the Bible which invoked discussion until late.

What a beautiful thing God has created in family. The older I get the more my family means to me. Little things like painting my mom's toes or talking until the wee hours of the morning. My brother calling me a hippy after seeing me sitting on my bedroom floor painting or laughing together at 1950's Folgers commercials. Driving to see my dad, grandparents and aunt out in the middle of nowhere and reveling in the natural beauty of my childhood stomping grounds. I want these memories to last a lifetime. Each memory chiseled into my brain. I love my friends dearly but family... sigh, they are my world. I am scared of the future without them being at my side 24/7, but each one of us are coming to a crossroads. I know that it's almost time to take hold of my independence and run with it. To travel the world, step into the unknown. It's terrifying. I can't stand to leave home without them yet to stay where I am is out of the question. As freedom begins to pound on the door so does the realization that I am just a water droplet in the billions of people on this planet. Disappearing into the masses would be simple, easily forgotten by all but... family. Reality, most friendships fade in and out, twisting through time as each life changes, but family stays. In fact, they really can't get rid of you and are pretty much stuck with all of your idiosyncrasies. Yet they love you. Sigh... I love my family.

I guess this is just a realization that is sinking in and writing helps me release thoughts that are only just forming.