The future...

Yes, to know the future would be superb but at the moment I want the future to stay far away. For the first time in my life I am feeling scared of the future. For some reason I have kept this whole story as quiet as possible but now for the sake of your prayers I am telling it.

My dad has been battling cancer for about a year and a half. It was very advanced at the time they found it but after going through a round of chemotherapy and radiation he was cancer free for a while. It was in part of his lung as well so they had one surgery to take that out. He went through another round of chemo and after a PET scan they found another small spot in his other lung so then surgery was done to remove that spot. He was doing much better and was cancer free for a while. Just recently he began to forget things. I noticed it when I went to a boat show three weeks ago with him. He almost ran three red lights. My dad has drove semi trucks and concrete mixers so this was not like him at all. He told me that he was having trouble remembering things. It disturbed me more than I admitted to myself at the time. Then about a week ago he told me that he almost had a wreck because he forgot to look both ways. After hearing this I realized something was definitely wrong. I called a doctor friend who immediately told us to call his oncologist in the morning. He did and a PET scan was set up for the beginning of March. I went down to his house in GA last thursday and noticed that he was having balance issues as well.

This past sabbath I was going to go to outreach but was feeling a little sick. So my family persuaded me not to go. Well, really it was providence that made me not go. I was taking a nap when my aunt called me and said that my dad had a seizure after church. They were taking him to the hospital for evaluation. I cannot explain my anguish. The thought of your father having a seizure and what might be causing it was the most terrifying and painful thing. After a CT scan was finished our worst fears were confirmed. The cancer has spread his right frontal lobe. He has yet to see his oncologist but tomorrow at 1:30. Please pray for comfort and for God's will to be done.  Also pray for my family especially my brother. He is going to high school in Canada and can't be with us through everything that is going on. More than anything please pray for my dad. I'm scared and can only imagine how frightening this must be for him.

I don't think that the reality has set in but ever so slowly it is prying itself into my heart. I thought that I hurt when my ex and I broke up but nothing can hurt as bad as this reality sinking in.  I am so scared. It's always there crowding into my mind. Even running refuses to take it away. What if I am not the best daughter that I can be? How do I react? How do I make him feel that I love him more than just about anything? What will the future be? I've prayed for years and years that my father would completely give his heart to God and maybe this is the answer. Dad really truly seems to have done just that. The hope that this prayer has been answered is my strength. I don't know how people can manage something like this without the hope of a resurrection and heaven.

The best is yet to come and oh I can't wait, but Lord help me somehow get through what may be the worst. Somehow maybe the worst will all turn out to be best.