That Guy

"Me on the other hand I can write somebody off
Like the last check for a student loan
I can love when it's convenient
But it's not always convenient
It's not always the easy road
I want to look past the outside to the well-meaning heart
To the good they forgot that they had
Teach me to love, teach me to love
Teach me to love like that."

Calenders

Pictures filled with memories... It's a beautiful thing to remember those moments forever captured by the camera shutter.  Memories stream from the pictures, repainting the portraits lining the walls of the mind with watercolors. Gazing down the hallways the years seem to dance, creating a picture that can only be adequately relived by person who has walked the hallways before. Moments pass while gazing at the finished pictures.

A 180 brings a sight unable to be described. A painter walks before, splashing with His paintbrush colors from the past but no picture can be seen in the chaos found there. Cautiously walking through the hallway, the walls on either side become clear. A girl laying on a couch typing on a computer, a man snoring, midnight blue sky with brilliant stars showing the way to heaven. He was painting oh so slowly, running made no difference in the stroke marks of the brush. Stopping made no difference either for the strokes just continued at the same pace. 

Who was this Painter and what picture was He going to paint around the next bend? A fear for the future crept in and a stroke of grey was painted. Forcing a smile a bright sunshiny yellow marking was added, contrasting the grey. A laugh produced an explosion of colors with a rainbow spectrum. The Painter kept diligently painting reactions, moments that would soon become memories. A longing to know the future swelled and burst from the lips of the girl who walked the halls, breaking the silence that reigned except for the brush moving against the whitewashed walls. No amount of prodding could produce an answer to the question but with a quick flick of the wrist He wrote with penmanship more delightful than ever, "Commit your way to Me, trust in Me and I will do this..." The walls immediately were transformed from whitewash to brilliant yellow, lighting up the darkened hallway ahead. A gasp escaped her lips producing a smile from the Painter as He turned to continue His masterpiece. 

Faith

Once again here is an excerpt from my Utmost for His Highest. So much of Oswald Chambers writings so inspirational that they have to be shared.

"He went out, not knowing whither he went." Hebrews 11:8

"Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the One Who is leading. It is a life of faith not of intellect and reason, but a life of knowing Who makes us "go." The root of faith is the knowledge of a Person, and one of the biggest snares is the idea that God is sure to lead us to success... The life of faith is not a life of mounting up with wings, but a life of walking and not fainting. It is not a question of sanctification; but of something infinitely further on than sanctification, of faith that has been tried and proved and has stood the test. Abraham is not a type of sanctification, but a type of the life of faith, a tried faith built on a real God. 'Abraham believed God.'"

"Fill Me, Our Earnest Plea"

     This year, well really last now, our family went to GYC for the first time. It was about the Holy Spirit, truly an uplifting and a spiritually reviving way to start out the New Year. Pretty sure that GYC will happen again for us. Honestly, if anyone reads this blog, go to GYC. Next December it's in Seattle and they are just starting one in Austria this summer. It's so amazing to visit people of the same faith from all over the world who are on fire for God or are desperately wanting to be in my case. It really is a little like heaven. We all are there because of our love for God and to learn more about Him. It was four days full to the brim with meetings by David Asscherick, Ivor Myers, Jeffery Rosario, Doug Bachelor, Ron Clouzet and others preaching about the Holy Spirit. I went to David Asscherick and Jeffery Rosario because they make me think. I wasn't disappointed. It answered so many questions of mine about the Holy Spirit. Absolutely incredible!
      One of the days you go door to door offering Bible studies. I am not huge on door to door ministry because I feel like I am invading personal space. If it were me I wouldn't want someone knocking on my door. Thankfully, I went with a guy who had done a lot of door to door evangelism so he talked and I prayed. Anyway, with everyone doing outreach, over 2,500 people asked for Bible studies and over 23,500 doors were knocked on. Isn't that incredible and 3 of those were me and my buddy Josh! There were so many incredible stories that came from the outreach also.
     Something that hit me at these meetings was that people were excited about God. I want to be excited about God. I want to be filled so full to the brim with God's love that it spills out of me, unable to keep it in. I'm so tired of cultural Adventism with no vibrance but just living the typical lifestyle and seeing how much we can push the limits while still being considered Adventist. We "Have a form of godliness, but deny the power thereof." (2 Tim 3:5) I do the same thing and desperately want that to change. So many times I feel like it's harder to live among Adventists and stick up for what I believe is wrong than to be with Non-Adventists. Not drinking, what I put into my mind, etc... It's exhausting but with perseverance comes strength and boy, I am holding onto that hope that eventually it will become easier. It's so frustrating feeling alone in your beliefs with most of your friends, though it is getting better.
     This has now become an "Alex venting her feelings blog..." moving on. In this New Year, even though you probably didn't go to GYC think about your walk with God. What is it lacking and what is hindering it from being fantastic? What if God comes and we don't know Him or have done nothing to win souls for the kingdom? What can we do for God this year in between our hectic school and work filled lives? We must do something, anything so he can come back soon. Pray like you never have before.

Labor of Love

"But the baby in her womb
He was the maker of the moon
He was the Author of the faith
That could make the mountains move"

Christmas means...

So, recently I haven't really had much to say. Okay, I take that back, I always have something to say but nothing lately that is blog worthy or anything I am able to put into words. So many times the thoughts come but somehow are unable to make the leap from mind to fingers to page, but in honor of the Christmas spirit and the fact that this blogs title contains the word "christmas" I am making an effort at blogging before the holiday is actually here.

Christmas tradition of ornaments on ears

This Christmas has been one that hasn't really been stressful for me because of this nice little thing called the internet. I'm not a fan of shopping except at outdoor stores like Rock Creek, Bass Pro Shops, etc. Since everything was bought online and there's no stress about Christmas shopping, it has given me a chance to think about the meaning of Christmas and to notice what's going on around me instead of focusing on completing shopping. This evening I went shopping with Wesley and it hit me. All the hustle and bustle but no one really focuses on the meaning of Christmas. Materialism... I'm so tired of seeing it pop into my life, yet I feed into it every Christmas and somehow it overwhelms what Christmas really means. My family is the greatest but we have way to many presents. This is nice but way overdone. Lovely, but unnecessary. Don't get me wrong I love Christmas and it's definitely my favorite holiday with all the colorful artsy lights, decorated trees, crisp cold weather, wassail, holiday cheer etc. There's nothing wrong with buying presents and seeing the joy of the person who opens them. I love that. It's truly a time when traditions and family mean the most to me but somehow over the years I have lost the true meaning. Of course I know what it means but I haven't taken it in deep inside my heart, internalized it and then let its influence play out in my life.



The true, precious meaning of Christmas where the best gift was given to this earth in the small vernix covered, bloody baby package sent to us by God himself. A true sacrifice for a perfect Father to send an innocent little baby into a sin filled world that would reject Him and even turn his birthday into a materialistic mess where, by most people, He would be forgotten. His sinless life always an example for those who listen. I also think of Mary, what a heavy burden it must have been to be labelled by her community as an adulteress. We believe now but certainly those around her wouldn't believe. Would you believe the story if it happened today? It's a pretty crazy story. To her though it was worth all the ridicule and torture just to carry the Son of God. What an immense privilege to be carrying our Gift. Would I be willing to stand up against all odds to carry such a Gift? Am I willing now to stand up for what I believe about Christ, His birth/soon coming and not let the influence and ridicule of the world around penetrate through to my core? What if I missed out on the best gift ever? The gift of seeing God face to face, visiting with Him in a perfect world where babies don't die, little girls aren't sold as slaves, where cancer doesn't eat the body from the inside out. What if I missed out? The thought brings tears to my eyes. Worse yet what if the precious Gift that God sent hadn't won the victory and the entire world was lost forever into Satan's grinchy hands. See what Christmas is about? Jesus won the victory and as a gift we get eternity. Is there any better gift than that? Nope.

Travels

My feet are itching to explore. Friends are taking trips across country, through Europe, to the great unknown wherever that may be. Honestly, I am so jealous. Not kill someone jealous but sad jealous. Exploring places discovered long ago, making memories in new places with new people. Sigh... I love Collegedale but it is time to get out. No more happy valley for me, give me a mountain to climb and explore, make me work hard but enjoy every minute of the journey. Here's what I would like to do if loans weren't in the way. I would save up money for a few months and then promptly quit my job. First, I would wander my way through Canada, exploring where my grandmother grew up. Then my wandering, itching feet would take me to Romania to see where my ancestors lived.

Scotland would be next, to find my clan with the head on a sword (long story), soon after this would follow Iceland and Greenland. England would happen for sure to visit my family there. Sweden to visit more friends. Australia to chill with the Bonellos and kangaroos. The list goes on and I want to see it all. The magnificent mountains of Pakistan, the endless deserts of Arabia. Spain, to learn spanish with a lisp.

 To get lost in the towering Alps with nothing but
wilderness around me. Skiing, snowboarding,
hiking, photographing, running, sleeping, camping, canoeing, laughing my way around the world. But alas, reality calls and with it the realization that six inductions and three c-sections await me tomorrow at work, so sleep must happen.